My Paranoid, Psycho Girlfriend (GizoogleParody)
by WeirdyTheFangirl
Summary: I put my original story through Gizoogle, which ghetto-fied it. I got the idea from Cammie Fujisaki, I dear, procrastinating friend. I hope you enjoy, since I thought it was freaking hilarious XD


**A/N: I suggest you read my actual story, "My Paranoid, Psycho Girlfriend", first. This IS made for humor so, yeah, enjoy ^_^**

* * *

Because chillin up in a gangbangin' fruity-ass malt liquor shop, listin ta yo' dopest playa blab on bout her boyfriend, is definitely not fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Because there just happened ta be a 'Socials up in Tokyo' magazine on mah seat when we strutted in, n' if I heard how tha fuck soft his afro was one mo' time, I'd go insane.

"Oh mah goodness, Rima. Yo ass had ta peep his ass when he-"

"Amu." I deadpanned.

"Hm, biatch? Whatz wrong?" Biatch averted her gaze from what tha fuck dat biiiiatch was starin at up in tha distizzle ta look all up in mah grill across tha table.

"Yo ass done been rappin' bout Ikuto fo' tha past…" I checked mah peep before continuin ta drop a rhyme up in a slow voice, "35 freakin minutes. Come on, I thought you needed help up in Nutrition. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Aren't you majorin up in Cuisine?"

"Uh hem! Dat hoe also majorin up in tha art of Theatrics!" Miki rocked up n' pointed right at mah nozzle fo' realz. Amu sweat dropped.

"Uh Miki-,"

"No way dawwwwg! Dat hoe majorin up in Physical Ejaculation!" Ran bumped Miki aside so dat dat biiiiatch was floatin directly up in front of mah dirty ass.

"That aint even-," Amu tried ta cut up in again yo, but Miki n' Ran was havin one of they routine arguments while Su n' Dia played some sort of hand-shake game. I rolled mah eyes before lookin back down at mah magazine, 'Socials up in Tokyo'. I flipped threw tha pages wit a funky-ass blank expression, wonderin how tha fuck Ikuto even gots tha fuck into tha same college as Amu, Yaya, Kukai, Nagihiko n' I. I stopped ta peep tha 'Ghetto Threadz Affairs' page fo' realz. A white blouse dat was cut from shoulder ta shoulder caught mah attention. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was tucked tha fuck into a mid thigh length, pale purple skirt wit a funky-ass black belt round tha torso. Da black heels dat went wit it was ta take a thugged-out dirtnap for. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I glanced round tha fruity-ass malt liquor shop ta make shizzle no one was watchin me before I swiftly ripped tha page out. Dat shiznit was late winter, early spring, startin ta drizzle a lot, so I was bustin a funky-ass black, sparkly sweater wit maroon skinny jeans, tucked tha fuck into high heel black boots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I hastily folded up tha page n' slipped it tha fuck into mah purse. I flipped tha page, startin ta take a interest up in tha magazine, n' read tha next article dat came up.

**Relationshizzle Issues**  
**By: Yui Michigawa**

_What tha fuck iz a hoe ta do when she n' her partner have a argument dat is left unresolved, biatch? It be healthy ta sort up tha various aspectz of tha fight, n' ta compromise so tha same thangs don't reoccur up in future debates. We rap battleed Hitaro Mayabi, 'Ghetto up in Tokyoz editor n' 23 year hoe of Hitaro Ditashi, CEO of 'Genes Manufacturing'. When axed how tha fuck dat freaky freaky biatch handlez problems wit her high class homeboy, she lyrics straight-up, "[Ditashi], it seems, sometimes forgets dat I came from a skanky crew up in Singapore. When da ruffneck do remember, it comes ta mah attention dat tha pimpin' muthafucka be thinkin his thugged-out lil' punk-ass mo' betta than me biaaatch! In order ta sort up dis problem, we sat down n' talked it over…"_

I read on bout how tha fuck you should never leave a gangbangin' fight unresolved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When I was finished, I looked up ta peep dat Amu n' all of her Charas was jumpin off bout some shiznit wit tha exception of Dia, whoz ass was tryin ta calm tha four hoes down.

"Ran, aint it enough dat I be head cheerleader, biatch? And Miki, come on I be 1st chair flute up in tha orchestra! Su, seriously, you git da most thugged-out outta tha thang; I be majorin up in Bakin Culinary. Plus, I work at a Cake Decoration shop!" Amu grabbed her afro n' swung her head round frantically, "Sweet lord almighty, I didn't notice until now how tha fuck busy you muthafuckas make me biaaatch! How tha fuck have I not gone off tha deep end already?" I flung mah coat over mah back, puttin mah arms all up in tha sleeves. With one last peep Amu n' her characters, I stood up.

"Amu, I be pretty shizzle you have gone off tha deep end." I chuckled at her, "But hey, I gots ta bounce tha fuck out. Nagihiko holla'd he'd have dinner locked n loaded by now, nahmeean, biatch? Later!" I waved one last time before slippin outta tha college cafe n' struttin tha fuck into tha College Courtyard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was surrounded by different shops, includin tha Frozen Yogurt/Parfait shop Nagihiko n' I work at, tha Video Game store, tha Electronics Store (which doubled as a CD purchasin shop) n' nuff other places ta eat. Even a funky-ass bakery, where Amu hit dat shiznit frostin n' decoratin baked goods.

I put on mah ear muffs, tha damp, cold air givin mah goose bumps, n' started struttin across tha street from tha dorms.

Nagihiko n' I had rented a crib just off Campus. Us dudes dated up in High School, Junior n' Ballin year yo, but broke up fo' a month durin tha summer afta I found a girl, Saaya, humpin' his muthafuckin ass. One night da perved-out muthafucka flossed up below mah wack window n' busted dis wack song, 'Ice cream', n' holla'd dat Saaya was faded n' she busted his ass yo, but da ruffneck didn't lick her back. Then tha pimpin' muthafucka holla'd at mah crazy ass dat he loved mah crazy ass fo' tha last time. Then we… oh, a funky-ass bird hommie! How tha fuck pretty… anyway… um… Where was I, biatch? Oh fo'sho, so he gots accepted tha fuck into dis big-ass blasted college, Harvard I be thinkin dat shiznit was called yo, but da perved-out muthafucka holla'd his schmoooove ass couldn't handle bein entire ghettos away from me or our playaz since he'd gotta transfer ta America. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, he easily gots accepted tha fuck into dis party-hard college, where our crazy asses have tha aiiight Glory Days experience instead of ridin all up in tha library fo' fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I never gots faded unless Nagihiko was there, since he aint a thugged-out drinker n' he looks afta me ta make shizzle I don't git abducted or do suttin' fuckin wack. Thank god, cuz fo' some reason our pimps is a lil bit too keen on spittin some lyrics ta our asses college horror stories dat make our asses not wanna go out.

Then, there be tha doggy den partizzles dat tha seniors throw. Da 'previous Juniors' all do dis thang all up in tha beginnin of tha year where they go n' rent up all tha duplexes dat surround Campus n' they basically just throw partizzles all up in tha entire weekend as Seniors. They is fun, n' Kukai probably helps throw dem yo, but dem playas gots WASTED. I mean, I barely even gots faded yo, but these playas would go hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Hence tha term party-hard college. Yo ass can blame dem fo' tha title bestowed upon dis gracious university.

Thankfully, since Nagihiko n' I was sophomores along wit Amu, our phat asses didn't gotta live on campus like Yaya done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When we all git all up in tha club, Kukai has ta always look afta her so her dope ass don't git faded. But she always endz up gettin a lil buzzed from… well, her dope ass don't drank alcohol, so we all assume it is candy dat gets her bouncy n' dizzy. Yaya always vizzle chats her dopest playa, dat nerd Kairi whoz ass straight-up did end up goin ta Tha Ghetto on a Mechanical Engineer scholarship… I be thinkin he gots tha fuck into MIT or something…

"Nagihiko?" I called tha fuck into tha doggy den as I set mah black jacket on coat rack. Nagihikoz head popped outta tha kitchen door n' da perved-out muthafucka smiled all up in mah face. Da doggy den smelled like heaven. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Because up in mah head, heaven is basically chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! So what tha fuck I be tryin ta say is dat tha doggy den smelled like chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass git it, biatch? Good.

"Yo hon," da perved-out muthafucka holla'd as his head dove tha fuck into tha kitchen again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I could peep his wild lil' fuckin elbow bobbin up in n' outta crib, like da thug was stirrin something. I sat on tha couch n' took mah boots off. I leaned back fo' awhile n' closed mah eyes as tha smell of chickens I couldn't like identify filled mah nostrils n' tha warmth of tha doggy den covered mah dirty ass.

"Ri-ma?" Nagihikoz cheerful voice rang tha fuck into mah thoughts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I sighed n' sat up, puttin mah elbows on mah knees n' mah chin up in mah hands.

"Yeees?" I axed back cheekily.

"I need yo' help wit tha dessert," da perved-out muthafucka holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I perked up all up in tha sound of dis shit. I wondered if da thug was makin mah straight-up dessert tonight. I dashed ta tha kitchen n' saw dat da thug was muthafucka! I smiled n' probably looked like a rabid dawg as I scanned over all of tha chicken da thug was cooking. Not once done did it even cross mah mind ta ask why da thug was cookin tha extravagant feast.

"Could you mix tha filling?" Dude axed politely. My fuckin smile dropped; he knew dat I was shitty at whippin tha filling! A rolled mah eyes.

"Seriously, Nagihiko?" I axed his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude turned his head ta me n' chuckled as da perved-out muthafucka stirred suttin' up in a pot. Dat shiznit was like amusin ta peep his ass up in tha white n' pink apron dat Amu gots his ass fo' Chrizzle yo, but da thug worn it so much dat it only made me smile when I saw his ass up in dat shit.

"Yes, Rima! I believe up in you, nahmean biiiatch?" Dude holla'd up in mock inspiration. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I smiled a lil n' turned ta tha bowl n' whisk. I remember tha last time Nagihiko n' I had made tha dessert together was when we was 'rivals'. I tried ta summon tha memory of how tha fuck tha pimpin' muthafucka taught me ta stir it yo, but dat was 8 muthafuckin years ago! I tilted tha bowl n' stirred it doggystyle. I stuck mah tongue up a lil up in concentration n' furrowed mah eyebrows; a g-thang of mine dat I'd gotten since I started high school. I saw Nagihiko glace all up in mah grill as his thugged-out lil' punk-ass busted up laughing.

"Some thangs never chizzle, eh?" Dude chuckled as tha pimpin' muthafucka turned down tha heat on tha oven n' strutted over ta mah dirty ass yo. Dude stood behind mah crazy ass n' clamped his fuckin lil' delicate, soft hand over mine as dat schmoooove muthafucka helped mah crazy ass stir.

"De jà vu, huh?" I mumbled, causin his ass ta laugh yo. Dude lifted our handz ta show tha newly whipped cream.

"See, Rima-chan?" Dude asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I turned ta him, mah back against tha counter as da perved-out muthafucka stood up in front of mah dirty ass. I smirked as I stared at his muthafuckin ass.

"Since when do you call me Rima-chan no mo'?" I quirked a eyebrow yo. Dude stepped closer n' put his thugged-out arms round mah waist.

"Just tryin ta relive tha memory," da perved-out muthafucka holla'd as he put his wild lil' forehead against mine. I smiled n' rolled mah eyes.

"Okay purpleheaded idiot yo, but I be pretty shizzle you didn't hold mah crazy ass like dis when we was 12," I pointed up as I stared up at his wild lil' fuckin eyes yo. Dude had ta bend down slightly ta put his wild lil' forehead against mine yo. His afro draped over tha side of our faces n' mixed wit mah blonde hair, bustin a purple-blonde flurry.

"Dope point fo' realz. And I be pretty shizzle I never busted you when we was 12, either," da perved-out muthafucka holla'd as he pulled mah waist closer ta him, makin me giggle.

"Ah, yes. Except fo' dat once time up in truth or dare. That was shitty," I holla'd up in fake disappointment yo. Dude laughed again.

"Whatever n' shit. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I improved, right?" Dude asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude leaned up in a lil further until we was kissing. We've busted thousands, millions, of times. But da perved-out muthafucka still never fails ta give me butterflies when we kiss fo' realz. After he pulled away, I looked off n' tapped mah chin, makin it be lookin like I was thankin bout something.

"Meh… not straight-up," I joked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude went back ta tha stove n' fuckin started ta stir again.

"Yo ass is one ta talk," Dude laughed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I rolled mah eyes yo, but I couldn't suppress tha smile dat crept tha fuck into mah lips.

* * *

_I be pretty shizzle we almost broke up last night,_  
_I threw mah beeper across tha room at you,_  
_I was expectin some dramatic turn away,_  
_But yos stayed_

* * *

"Yo ass idiot, you know she like, up in ludd wit you, nahmean biiiatch?" Rima yelled all up in mah grill fo' realz. Apparently, Saaya had texted mah beeper when I went ta tha restroom, askin ta go up fo' coffee. I would never oblige, obviously yo, but Rima was sort of a paranoid hoe at times (not straight-up often at all).

"So dat make me a idiot, biatch? Biatch texted me, aiiight?" I holla'd, tryin ta keep mah voice at a easy as fuck level, which is hard ta do when you gotz a tiny lil chibi devil beatboxin at yo thugged-out ass.

"Oh right, just like she busted yo slick ass?" she reciprocated sarcastically. I sighed, keepin tha urge ta roll mah eyes at a minimum so dat tha argument wouldn't git outta hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I leaned against tha table, stoppin from pickin up tha meal I made. We probably fought like dis maybe once a month.

"Exactly like that!" I threw mah handz up in tha air, "Quit bein so over dramatic, she just wanted ta git some coffee!"

Rimaz eyes might as well done been torches. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch starred hard all up in mah grill from across tha table; "Oh you'd like dat wouldn't yo sick ass, biatch? Yo ass wanna go git fruity-ass malt liquor wit dat fiend?" her big-ass booty seethed up in a on tha down-low voice, which straight-up juiced it up scarier than if dat biiiiatch was yelling. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch mumbled suttin' bout callin Saaya, as her eyes narrowed, challengin me ta say suttin' back ta her n' shit. I knew dat look. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was goin ta start throwin thangs soon.

"R-Rima, you know I wouldn't wanna have-Rima w-what is you bustin?" I axed up in a worried voice as Rima dug round up in her purse. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch wouldn't pull tha pepper spray, would she, biatch? I back up a lil, knowin dat mah 5 foot tall hoe could easily blast mah up in tha eye wit a stream of chili flavored liquid.

"I be looking. For something. Yo ass idiot." Biatch holla'd calmly all up in gritted teeth. I stifled a laugh at how tha fuck mad dat biiiiatch was. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was so thugged-out n' lil' small-ass yo, but dangerous fo' realz. And not up in tha bangin' way, either n' shit. "Why don't you go have fruity-ass malt liquor wit you slick hoe Saaya?" her big-ass booty snarled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I rolled mah eyes.

"Knock it off! Quit bein stupid, you know I only like Saaya as a gangbangin' playa!"

"Oh so now I be stupid?" her big-ass booty screamed, losin all control dat freaky freaky biatch had a throwin a shiny black object dat she'd conjured from her purse all up in mah face. My fuckin eyes went wide as I ducked, turnin as I did so. I saw tha item hit tha wall wit a CRACK n' then fall ta tha ground wit a thugged-out dull thud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I looked at Rima wit wide, maybe frightened, eyes as mah voice went a octave higher than usual.

"Was dat yo' phone!?" I squeaked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch brushed her handz together smugly.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it was. Did it hit yo slick ass?" Biatch axed wit a sadistic smile. I stood up straight n' smiled back at her wit equal malice.

"Fuck dat shit, as a matter of fact, it didn't," I holla'd slyly, resistin tha urge ta slightly chuckle. I don't give a fuck why dat shiznit was so funky when she gots mad, "Not fo' realz. A. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Scratch." I smirked slowly, causin her handz ta curl tha fuck into fists, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I almost immediately regretted mah decision of lyrics as she picked up a plate I had yet ta clean up n' hurled it all up in mah face. I quickly stepped ta tha side ta dodge it, knowin dat I'd mo' betta stop before she ended up throwin tha entire crib all up in mah face. There was a ear splittin crash as tha plate broke.

"Rima," I holla'd calmly. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looked all up in mah grill wit mad salty eyes as dat thugged-out biiiatch cocked her ta tha side, darin me ta go ahead, "Uh, why don't you just git all up in bed?" Biatch chillaxed a lil, a look of shock playin on her face.

"But our phat asses didn't smoke dessert yet." Biatch whined. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I sweat dropped at her; we gots tha fuck into a gangbangin' fight, n' she expected our asses ta go on as if not a god damn thang happened n' smoke dessert.

"I be thinkin you should-"

Rimaz expression turned deadly again, "Don't tell me what tha fuck ta do! Geez, sometimes I wonder why I aint fucked up wit yo' wack purpleheaded-ness!" Biatch shrieked as dat dunkadelic hoe turned round ta our bedroom, marched in, n' slammed tha door shut. I sighed n' went ta tha kitchen, openin tha closet next ta tha sink n' gettin tha vacuum n' broom. I swept up tha big-ass shardz of tha porcelain plate n' vacuumed tha tiny leftovers fo' realz. Afterwards, I went ta tha closet up in tha bathroom n' grabbed a pillow n' a funky-ass blanket.

Tonight wouldn't be tha night her big-ass booty saw tha diamond rang I was hopin ta present ta her…

* * *

_This mornin I holla'd we should rap about,_  
_'Cause I read you should never leave a gangbangin' fight unresolved._  
_Thatz when you came up in bustin a gangbangin' footbizzle helmet,_  
_And holla'd aiiight letz talk._  
_And I holla'd stay, stay, stay._

* * *

I expected his ass ta git mad all up in mah grill breakin tha plate n' throwin mah beeper across tha room at his ass n' leave yo, but da perved-out muthafucka slept on tha couch last night… I opened tha blindz of tha bedroom window ta let tha mornin sun shine through.

I slowly strutted outta tha bedroom, lookin all up in tha doorway tha fuck into tha dinin room ta peep Nagihiko layin up breakfast. I sighed n' strutted over ta his ass shyly.

"Nagi…" I holla'd up in mah cute, apologetic voice yo. Dude looked up from bendin over tha table fo' realz. After noticin dat dat shiznit was me, mah handz grasped together behind mah back n' mah afro messy, da perved-out muthafucka stood up n' starred all up in mah face. We stood there fo' what tha fuck seemed like a eternitizzle until dat schmoooove muthafucka held up his thugged-out arms. I immediately ran tha fuck into dem as dat schmoooove muthafucka hugged mah crazy ass tight. I buried mah head up in his chest as I hugged his cold-ass torso, "Nagi-koi, I be soopa-doopa sorry bout dat bullshit. I didn't mean ta git paranoid or jealous or- or…." I trailed off. Paranoid n' jealous was pretty much tha only 2 lyrics ta describe tha way I acted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Oh, well, there be a also psychotic, insane, menstrual, inconsiderate, harsh, n' berserk yo, but I wouldn't feel laid back confessin dat I was dem thangs.

"Rima, itz all gravy." Dude holla'd as his thugged-out lil' punk-ass brushed his wild lil' fingers gently all up in mah hair, "Letz eat, then we gotta go git groceries fo' realz. Amu, Yaya, n' Kukai is comin over tonight, kay?" Dude informed mah crazy ass as I lifted mah crazy ass head ta look up at his muthafuckin ass. I gave his ass a quick peck n' nodded happily. I loved how tha fuck he always forgave mah craziness. I loved how tha fuck he understood dat I had thangs like dat since mah muthafathas always fought. I basically just loved his ass all muthafuckin day.

"Nagi, we should rap bout tha problem. I read up in a article yesterdizzle all up in tha fruity-ass malt liquor shop dat itz dopest ta rap over tha thang n' compromise." I holla'd scholastically, soundin intelligent.

"Okay yo, but… uh hem, let me go git something…" da ruffneck detached from tha gangbang n' went tha fuck into tha wreck room across tha hall from our bedroom fo' realz. After all dem second his schmoooove ass came back up in bustin a helmet, "Okay, so what tha fuck do we need ta rap about?"

I laughed a lil at how tha fuck da thug was basically mockin mah loopiness, "I be sorry as a muthafucka dat I gots over dramatic… you can have fruity-ass malt liquor wit whoz ass eva you want, whenever you want… And I be sorry as a muthafucka dat I holla'd I should break up wit you… I straight-up don't give a fuck what tha fuck I would do without you… So fuck you fo' not leavin me n' mah craziness. Thanks fo' staying…"

* * *

_I've been gangbangin you fo' like some time, time, time_  
_Yo ass be thinkin dat I'm funky when I be mad, mad, mad._  
_But I be thinkin dat itz dopest if we both stay._

* * *

"No. Way." Amu holla'd, like flabbergasted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Yaya nodded her head fiercely, grinnin like a psycho person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yaya gave our asses tha shizzle dat Kairi finally axed her out.

"Kairi holla'd he likes Yaya, n' now Yaya can't stop rappin' up in 3rd thug again!" Yaya yelled happily. That was fucked up hype, thankin bout it took Yaya all of high school ta stop rappin' like a toddla n' shit. We sat up in tha livin room while Nagihiko n' Kukai was up in tha kitchen, rappin' bout god knows what.  
break  
Kukai looked all up in mah grill wit his crazy-ass grill hangin open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I winced at his bangin erection, knowin dat he probably thought I was committin suicide.

"Yo ass is gonna WHAT?" da perved-out muthafucka screeched. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I gave his ass a warnin look n' holla'd at his ass ta be on tha fuckin' down-low.

"I holla'd, I be goin ta propose ta Rima-koi," I holla'd a lil bit mo' cautiously. Kukai seemed utterly shocked, thankin bout dat I holla'd at his ass bout tha fight we'd had right before I holla'd at his ass I was askin Rima ta bone mah dirty ass.

"W-wha-" Kukai looked dumbfounded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was a similar erection ta when he found up tha Nadeshiko he knew was straight-up mah dirty ass. But maybe mo' similar ta when he straight-up kicked it wit mah sister, Nadeshiko, whoz studied abroad up in Europe since dat biiiiatch was 6.

"You've never been straight-up phat at takin hype, have yo slick ass?" I chuckled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude scratched his head.

"Nuh-uh…" he mumbled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We stood there fo' a second, starin at each other n' shit. I furrowed mah eyebrows as da perved-out muthafucka still looked like I holla'd I was goin ta ride a lion all tha way ta China n' demand dem ta give me all of they pork fried rice. I mean straight-up, da thug was just makin me mo' nervous. Then tha timer on oven went off n' I smiled brightly.

"Chicken n' gravyz done!" I beamed.

* * *

_Yo ass took tha time ta memorize me,_  
_My fuckin fears, mah hopes n' dreams._  
_I just like ridin wit you_  
_All tha time!_

* * *

"Okay, bye!" I yelled afta dem as they strutted up tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I quickly shut it, sighin up in relief dat they was finally outta there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I don't give a fuck what tha fuck they was on yo, but it had ta be closely related ta crack. Nagihiko strutted over ta tha couch n' fell tha fuck back onto it, equally chillaxed as I was.

"They must done been on suttin' closely related crack." Dude mumbled as I sat down next ta his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude threw a arm over mah shoulder as I tucked mah hairy-ass legs onto tha couch n' leaned on his chest.

"Yo ass read mah mind," I smiled n' closed mah eyes. I was so exhausted, I nearly fell tha fuck asleep right then n' there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I heard Nagihikoz breathang quit trippin' up as da ruffneck drifted ta chill, like a muthafucka. But suddenly we was jolted outta our lil drowsy trip land as a funky-ass beeper went up. Nagihikoz eyes blasted open.

"Oh, tha dessertz done!" Dude smiled energetically yo. Dude blasted tha fuck into tha kitchen n' brought back a plate of tha desserts we'd made at Amu when we was only 12 n' 'arch enemies'. I reached fo' one but Nagihiko grabbed mah hand n' guided towardz another one, which looked mo' golden brown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I realized it had caramel drizzle on it yo. Dude remembered dat I loved dat almost as much a strawberry parfaits muthafucka! I gave his ass a skeptical look before nibblin tha fuck into it, taken aback when mah teeth hit suttin' solid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I turned mah head slowly ta peep Nagihiko, whoz ass was lookin all up in mah grill anxiously, almost eggin me on ta look n' peep what tha fuck I bit. I slowly gazed back all up in tha dessert before puttin a gangbangin' finger up in a thugged-out drawin up a cold-ass lil circular item. I licked off all tha frostin n' then stared ta carefully inspect dat shit. Dat shiznit was a ring. My fuckin ass sped up as I mazillion thoughts ran all up in mah mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I felt mah eyes widen hella as I looked up a Nagihiko then back down all up in tha ring. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, tha TV turned on as I turned ta peep what tha fuck it was. I felt tha rang move outta mah hand by some force as I turned back ta peep a sight dat made me start ta cry like a muthafucka.

Nagihiko was down on one knee, lookin up me wit tha TV remote up in one hand n' tha diamond rang up in another n' shiznit yo. Dude pressed tha juice button on tha remote, turnin off tha TV, n' set it down on tha couch cushion da thug was positioned on just a second ago.

* * *

_All dem times dat you didn't leave_  
_It aint nuthin but been occurrin ta me:_  
_I'd like ta ride wit fo' mah whole game…_  
_Stay._  
_And I be bout ta be gangbangin you fo' like some time._  
_No one else is gonna ludd me when I git mad, mad, mad_

* * *

"Oh mah god." I whispered, "Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod," I repeated over n' over again n' again n' again until Nagihiko started rappin'.

"Mashiro Rima, by hilarious, dope, charismatic, paranoid, psycho, perfect, hoe… will you do me tha pimped out honor of becomin Mrs. Fujisaki Nagihiko?" Nagihiko was as red as I'd eva peeped his muthafuckin ass. In tha one moment, every last muthafuckin memory I'd eva shared wit his ass flashed all up in mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! First meetin him, first slappin him, our first kiss, our first voluntary kiss, our confessions, our last time (yeah, I admit dat shiznit son!), our asses rentin tha crib together, n' now dis memory is goin up in wit them. Everythang flashed all up in mah mind as I jumped forward, rappin bout ma arms round Nagihikoz neck as I tackled his ass ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I busted his ass right on tha grill, n' yeaaaa there was… um, maybe some tongue yo, but hey he axed mah crazy ass ta basically be his wild lil' freakadelic hoe fo' tha remainder of his wild lil' freakadelic game, which is like, 60 years muthafucka! I pulled away, only ta lick his ass again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I did dat multiple times before I screamed mah answer.

"OH MY GOD, OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU, YOU CROSS-DRESSING FREAK OF A PURPLEHEAD!"

* * *

_So I be thinkin dat itz dopest if we both stay_

* * *

**A/N: So, I hoped you laughed a little, but maybe it was just so funny to me since I wrote it. The lyrics are from Taylor Swifts song, "Stay, Stay, Stay", which is redundant as much as is it catchy. The lyrics are altered, obviously, but... yeah. **


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